One thing I particularly adore about Melbourne is the bountiful supply of kitsch $2 shops and dodgy street merchants, and nowhere provides more lame shopping joy than the Queen Victoria Market. Not only does it provide a huge range of enormous knickers, arts and craft supplies, poorly made kitchen ware and plastic toys, but there’s always that magical section full of religious paraphernalia that brings a sweet tear to my eye.

There once was a time when a top notch gift was in order for one of my more bizarre pals, and I suddenly realised the true potential of this department of Catholic wonder. After all, nothing says “It’s your birthday, take your pants off” like a Disco Mary.

For those not so much in the know, the Disco Mary light (or Jesus, Moses, whoever) is initially a fairly sedate picture of the Biblical persona in a frame…until you plug it in, and the background goes crazy with neon lights, swirling and flashing around! Ka-blamo! I bet the Pope has one.

Disco Mary’s have to be the ultimate birthday present - a brilliant talking point, bright, cheesy and plug it in for disco fun! Fun for the Catholics, hilarious for everyone else - everyone wins! They seem to be in every second market stall or bargain shop, and thank goody gumdrops for that - genius on all levels.

This is what it’s like to give a Disco Mary:

Me: Happy birthday friend! I got you a little something (hands over tastefully wrapped Disco Mary)

Friend: Wow, thanks Anna, this looks…swell (not too impressed…unwraps present…sets it up on a mantle piece…plugs it in…)

Both: Holy mackeral! Woo hoo! (disco dancing ensues the whole night long).