I stopped the last missive where I did because I think I might’ve told the lad I write for this here mag, and I didn’t want him checking it out, only to go “Why I oughta!” in a fist-shaky manner. So, in a bold attempt to prevent all possible shaking, this will be less of a recount, and more of what I learned about what to do, and what not to do, on date-a-ramas.

But, wee pals, what if from the start, your face is smiling but your head is screaming “NO NO NO!!”? This is basically what was going through my head, that autumn evening. It was a tricky fix, but I said to myself “Steve, (I call myself Steve) once on the date, stay on the date.” So! I’ve come up with a few rules for dealing with ‘Strangers on Dates’ (similar to Snakes on a Plane, though less lucrative at the box office) that would have made my experience of a blind date significantly better had we both read the manual.

Rule numero uno: Shake hands if you want, but otherwise back away from the physical contact. Their personal space is not yours to invade.

Sure, I may have just written this rule myself, but it makes sense to me. I don’t know you, you don’t know me, so let’s just smile and shake hands (firmly – no weak netball fingers) like adults. That’s obvious you say? But no – here’s what I got:

Anna: Vlad?1 Vlad von der Spock, is that you?

Vlad: Why yes! KA-BLAM-O! *Envelopes Anna, suddenly and without remorse, in a massive hug*

Anna: *In head: “EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK! NOOOOOOOO! GET OFF MEEEEEEEE!”*

Rule numero two-o: Have an open mind, but not too open – just cos you’re on a date, doesn’t mean that you can’t have opinions.

I guess there are a few basic principles to uphold when meeting new people. Personally, I try not to appear too physically repulsive or down right offensive, but what if that’s the case? On my date with Vlad, there was so much of what he said, or talked about doing, that was completely alien to me. We were worlds apart, as far as I could tell, and this really turned me off, as there was no common ground.

On the other hand, he appeared to find me completely fascinating, which left me wondering how to say “Thanks but no thanks” when he seemed up for booking honeymoon flights. In the end, I went with my gut, and politely but firmly told him there was no future de love avec moi…though this didn’t stop the 12 missed calls over the next two days.

Rule numero tre: Always have a back up or safety plan in case of psychos or serial killers.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel that being a solo female in this big bad city can be a scary thing; so though Vlad did not immediately present as a serial killer or a psycho, I did enlist the services of two of my best friends in order to create Team Stalker.

Unknown to Vlad, Team Stalker was about five steps behind us for the walk to the bar, and then sat discreetly in a dark corner out of my eye line. This was a genius plan, just quietly. Not only did I feel completely safe throughout the date, but I had someone to go home with afterwards, on what is often a très dodgy train line.

When I realised that the date was going express to Hades, all I had to do was head to the ladies’, followed shortly by TS#1, to agree on an escape plan and meeting point. Simple, fast, effective.

Dating is scary – I was really nervous in the lead up and, yeah, it’s a shame it didn’t work out, but it was certainly an experience worth having. I’ve heard some horror stories about mystery dates, and I can certainly see how it might be preferable to have a triple by-pass, but I think I could go back in the ring – I’m not ready to lose hope for at least another half an hour.